Instructor Mohd Muzhafa Idrus (Mozac)
English Gold A2
April 6 2010
Dell and Mac users
Computer these days is one of the most important thing in our life . Most people use it permanently and every where . Computers companies aspire to get the most sales of all other companies . For example : Dell and Mac computer companies . Both of them have a great items and people are buying their sales . People are looking forward to have the best items that educates their desires such as : Quality , appearance and price .
People who are interesting in computers for their business choose their computer by quality to have the best business they could have . Dell and Mac have a great reputation in their sales . so these people would go with them first preferred to all other computer companies . Dell starts to increase their quality by the time , so people who are interesting would buy there items . But , designers , businessmen and scientist prefer Mac because it is faster than Dell and avoid the high temperature . Also , Mac computers doesn't allow viruses to risk the computer . In comparison with Dell , Mac has better quality than Dell .
Fashion people who likes aspects and colors when they first looking to buy a computer , they look for the appearance of the computer . They usually ask themselves " Is it beautiful ? " or some of them say " What it my favorite color ? so I can buy computer in the same color . " Both Dell and Mac have different shapes and different sizes . But , Mac has a specific design they make their computers on it . In the other hand , Dell has many designs . Dell provides for these people all what they want . Their is a lot of colors in different shapes and sizes . Dell is similar to a piece of art in their sales . So , people who likes fashion and aspect would go with this option .
Economic crisis hit the world recently . And because of that people are trying to save every penny they get from their job . Finding something cheap is the only matter for these kind of people . I suggest Dell computers for these kind of people . Because if we compare the prices between both company , we will find that Mac is much higher than Dell . Another fact , there is charge for programs and entertainment like games and music . But the opposite in Dell . Dell is cheaper and the programs and entertainment are free . I accept these people to buy Dell computers to save there money .
In conclusion , People have different options and opinion , and they love to go with their choices . These three choices would be the most common choices for the costumer who wants to buy a computer . By comparing the Dell and Mac computers we are going to find some similarities and differences . In my opinion , I like Mac computers more than Dell because I'm one of the people who search for quality , because I don't care about appearance or price .
Final draft
14 years ago
I will comment first on your grammar then on your content. I will highlight my correction by using capitalized letters for the words or phrases or sentences that need to be corrected.
ReplyDeleteComputer these days is one of the most important THINGS in our life . Most people use it permanently and EVERYWHERE . Computer companies aspire to get the most sales of all other companies. For example, Dell and Mac computer companies . Both of them have great items and people are buying their sales . People LOOK FOR to have the best items that SATISFY their desires such as QUALITY , appearance and price .
People who are INTERESTED in computers for their businessES choose their computerS ON THE BASIS OF quality to have the best business they could have . Dell and Mac have a great reputation in their sales, so these people would go with theIR first preferred to all other computer companies . Dell starts to increase their quality by the time , so people who are interesting would buy there items. ( HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?) But , designers , businessmen and scientist prefer Mac because it is faster than Dell and avoid the high temperature . Also , Mac computers doesn't allow viruses to risk the computer . In comparison TO Dell , Mac has better quality than Dell .
Fashion people who likes aspects and colors when they first LOOK to buy a computer , they look for the appearance of the computer . They usually ask themselves " Is it beautiful ? " or some of them say " What it my favorite color ? so THEY can buy computer in the same color . " Both Dell and Mac have different shapes and different sizes . But , Mac has a specific design they make their computers on it . In the other hand , Dell has many designs . Dell provides for these people all what they want . Their DESIGN CONSISTS OF a lot of colors in different shapes and sizes . Dell is similar to a piece of art in their sales . So , people who likes fashion and aspect would go with this option .
Economic crisis hit the world recently . And because of that people are trying to save every penny they get from their job . Finding something cheap is the only matter for these kind of people . I suggest Dell computers for these kind of people . Because if we compare the prices between both company , we will find that Mac is much higher than Dell . Another fact , there is charge for programs and entertainment like games and music . But the opposite in Dell . Dell is cheaper and the programs and entertainment are free (YOU SHOULD HAVE PROVIDED STATISTICS TO SUPPORT THIS ARGUMENT). I accept these people to buy Dell computers to save there money .
In conclusion , People have different options and opinion , and they love to go with their choices . These three choices would be the most common choices for A CUSTOMER who wants to buy a computer . By comparing the Dell and Mac computers some similarities and differences COULD BE PRESENTED . In my opinion , I like Mac computers more than Dell because I'm one of the CUSTOMERS who LOOK for quality , because I don't care about appearance or price.
Content wise:
You should have provided lots of support from other sources for your essay. Especially, at those points that I have highlighted above. In terms of organization, I think this essay is fine, although I was expecting more than just one supporting sentences.